Forgiveness: The Other F-word

The funny thing about forgiveness is that we often think it's about the other person or situation. Sometimes we also don't want to do it because we know we are right and they are wrong!  The fact is, that's irrelevant to forgiving.  Right and wrong don't come into play with forgiveness. As Louise Hay says, "Forgiveness opens our hearts to self-love."  It in turn opens us up to joy and success.  

Forgiveness doesn't mean the other person was right or justified or that their behavior is acceptable and should be condoned.  Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger and the resentment which live inside you.  It's like the old saying that resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.  It doesn't work that way - you are the one affected and resentment and unforgiveness eat away at you every day whether you realize it or not.  They take away your joy and your life.  

The past is over and it only exists now in our minds.  Yet we let it keep tormenting us on a daily basis.  It's time to let go.  It's time to forgive everyone who has done anything to hurt you.  You can start by just affirming, "I am willing to forgive _________."  It also sometimes helps to remember that no one hurts another person if they aren't hurting inside.  While that doesn't make it right, perhaps we can have understanding and compassion.  

It's also important to forgive ourselves. Sometimes we feel bad because we yelled at someone or we didn't do something we said we were going to do.  It happens, it's part of being human.  We need to let it go.  We need to forgive ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally. When possible, it's great to apologize if we feel bad about something or to make it up to someone if we can.  But either way, you must forgive yourself.  When we feel bad about anything, we are more likely to do things that make us feel bad again.  

Your assignment today is to think of someone who you need to forgive and start the process.  Remember, this is about you, not them.  They don't necessarily even need to know you are forgiving them.  If the situation is such that you want to tell them and that will help you and not cause any issues then by all means you can.  The most important part of the exercise is to forgive.  Feel what you need to feel about person and the situation and then let it go.  It's important that we acknowledge our feelings.  Allow them because they are important but then release them so you can move on and live freely.

As always, I welcome your feedback and would love to hear about your successes and challenges with forgiveness.  It is a wonderful teacher if we are open to its lessons!

Patience - yep, again!

I know I talk about the importance of patience a lot but it's what I need to work on and I know I'm not alone.  So often we get discouraged if things don't go exactly the way we want when we want.  Let's put a stop to that today :)

If you have a goal, it may take time to achieve that.  As you may know, I have recently taken up running.  Okay, some people would call what I do wogging.  A combination of walking and jogging but I will get better every time I get out there as long as I'm consistent and keep at it. It's easy to get discouraged and say, I can't do a marathon that will take me forever and I don't have the patience to walk it - and perhaps not the muscle strength (however, walking is a lot easier than running!)  I am basing that on my present physical condition.  But guess what, I can change that IF I have patience!!  

The same goes for any goal - weight loss is a great example, too.  Often people look at a 1 pound weight loss as nothing when they have 80 more pounds to lose but the fact is, it's a step in the right direction and with every step - no matter how small - you are getting closer to your goals!!

So my goals for today are to really ask myself what I can do for me today to bring me joy and get me closer to my goals and then listen!  Often we ask the question but when we don't have an immediate answer, we stop listening!

Take time today to be patient with yourself and take note of any progress you have made toward your goals.  It doesn't matter how small.  Write it down and celebrate yourself.  Take another action step in the right direction and applaud your courage and determination.

Enjoy your day.  Be patient and trust that all is well and you can do anything!!

Choose Love Today!!

Choose Love Today!!  Often people feel justified in their anger or revenge.  The problem is that when we hold on to those negative feelings, we hurt ourselves as well as others.  The act of forgiveness is paramount to good health and happiness.  Forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior nor does it mean ignoring and allowing it but it means letting go of the anger and hatred that come with focusing on that rather than solutions.  Martin Luther King was adamant about our responsibility to address injustice but he was also adamant about doing it with love and focusing on what we want and solutions rather than the problem and want we don't want.

Think about this today in all areas of your life.  What are you holding onto that you need to let go of?  Often times it is actually not forgiving ourselves.  The reality is not forgiving keeps us stuck and to move forward and accomplish everything we dream of, we need to forgive ourselves and others for all perceived wrongs.

10 Easy Ideas for Relaxation

When was the last time you really relaxed?  Is your mind constantly busy?  Do you ever just take time to relax and do nothing?  I don't mean do mindless activity like watch TV or sit on Facebook!  Those are not mind quieting and often, believe it or not, add to stress.  Not always and that depends on you but sometimes. Here are some ideas for relieving stress and opening yourself up to more creativity.

1. Meditate - just do it.  Guided relaxation, quieting your mind, mindfulness, following your breath, mantra.  If you don't know a lot about mediation, I'll do another blog on that.  In the meantime - you can just go to YouTube.  You'll find lots.  You don't have to even do this for a long time.  You can do a couple of minutes several times a day.  It really works!!

2. Exercise - get moving but not too hard.  If you are doing anaerobic exercise (where you can't carry on a conversation), you are actually adding to your stress level because it releases cortisol, the stress hormone.

3. Yoga.  Yes, this is exercise but I give it a category of it's own when it comes to stress relief because it is so effective.

4. Laugh - laughing is amazing for your body.  It helps reduce stress and heal on all levels.

5. Connect more.  This is really best done in person and really connecting.  Connecting on the computer really keeps us isolated since we are often alone there. Allow yourself to be with people and really be vulnerable and be a true friend.  Release judgement and connect. Every one of us is alike in many ways.  We all need love and we all have feelings and emotions.

6. Hug more.  We all need physical contact to thrive.  Hugging has so many benefits and it doesn't cost a thing! Shoot for 12 hugs minimum each day.

7. Forgive.  Forgive others and yourself.  You have to let go of anything that may have hurt you so that you can move on and that means forgiving others and yourself.  Forgiving is not condoning and is instrumental to your health.  If it seems like a stretch, start with the affirmation, "I am willing to begin to forgive."

8. Music - listen to music that makes you feel good.

9. Smile.  Smiling alone (even if you don't feel like it) releases chemicals in the brain that combat the stress hormones.  Often when a smile is returned, it makes us feel even better and further reduces our stress levels.

10. Take a relaxing bath.  Not a shower but a bath.  Allow the warm water to relax all your muscles.  Maybe turn off the lights and light some candles.  This goes perfectly with listening to relaxing music or a guided meditation.  Add some lavender and Epsom salt to make it a detox bath.  Enjoy.


If you do something special for yourself everyday, you'll notice the difference.  Let me know how it goes!!